Normalization
by SomeRandomPerson130
Summary: Normalization is achieved when the square of the wave-function, a complex-valued function denoted as psi (Ψ) that describes the behaviors of particles, summed over all possible values, is equal to one. It is used to make some sense of the probabilities of quantum mechanics, which is just as maddening as the life of an unfortunate esper.
1. Chapter 1: Normal

_Hello, my name is Saiki Kusuo. But I'm sure you already knew that, you're on my FanFiction page._

 _I'm also an esper, but you know that as well. How did I know? Because I'm an esper._

 _Currently I'm walking home from school alongside nine nuisances. One of them has eighth-grader syndrome, one is an idiot whose mind I cannot read (the only other things whose minds I cannot read are bugs, mind you, due to their small brains), one is a threat to my wish for solace, one is a hopeless romantic, one is passionate to say the least, one eats all the time (but she serves me coffee jelly at a restaurant so I'll let her presence slide), one is a former delinquent, one is a gyaru, and the other is a perverted priest. The last two are also espers._

 _Good grief, what a troublesome bunch._

"Saiki, do you feel an ominous presence?" _No but your presence is annoying._

"Partner, want to get ramen?" _Not even going to dignify that request by giving a yes/no answer._

"Saiki, want to go to the mall?" _And get swarmed by your religious cult? No thank you._

"Kaidou-kun, let's go to your place!" _Yes, both of you, go._

"Saiki, tennis practice in forty minutes!" _Just take Nendou._

"Mmph! * _Chew_ *" _Sigh._

"Saiki… **Let's have a chat in that alleyway.** " _As hard as it is to believe, I simply don't trust you._

"Saiki, let's go to your place~" _Oi, this fanfiction is rated T._

"Screw off, Aiura," " _Hey Saiki, you could steal as many porn magazines as you want with your po-_ " _At this point I telekinetically hurled a stone at his right side. Another victory for the purity of Japan._

 _This happens every day. I was born with these powers so I never knew what it meant to be normal, and these people are anything but._

 _These powers are insufferable, disastrous, cruel, and ultimately the reason these nuisances follow me._

 _I could never get rid of these powers no matter how much I try, sure, germanium can cancel out my telepathy but then there's the potential of a serial killer standing right next to you as the entire population becomes an army of Nendous. It's terrifying._

 _Without these powers, I wouldn't need to be alone all the time so that chuunibyou wouldn't latch onto me, without these powers, I wouldn't have the idiot follow me, he only considers me a friend because I had to use my powers to clear his name for some stunt everyone's favorite character Takahashi did, if I didn't have these powers, Teruhashi wouldn't see me as some unachievable goal, Chiyo wouldn't bother me since she's latched to Kaidou, etc._

 _I've saved this country and the world several times, don't I at least deserve a peaceful life? Do you hear me, god? If you're not busy fawning over Teruhashi, how about getting rid of this curse?_

 _Of course, that does nothing._

 _Countless houses and intersections later, my house is in view, I telepathically say_ " _Goodbye_ " _in their heads._

 _Everyone then disperses. I can hear them all in my head, their thoughts and impressions._

 _They say their normal goodbyes,_ "Bye, Saiki!" "See ya!" "May we meet again, Saiki, and take down Dark Reunion!" "See ya, partner!" "Later, Saiki~" _, and so forth._

 _Meanwhile, they were thinking more or less the same thing._

" _He never does anything, does he_ ," " _Saiki's so plain…_ " " _Well maybe Saiki and I will save the world tomorrow_ ," " _Saiki, let's go in your place, your bed is my bed~_ ," " _Chew chew, munch munch_ ," _these people are always the same._

 _I leave them at the intersection and go to my house, turning the gate and I opened the front door. Before I enter I know at least my kind mother and bum father are inside._

"Saiki, how was school today? I noticed your friends from the window!"

"Saiki! Can you teleport my boss to the deep ocean?!"

 _Not going to dignify the second request, and the first seems unnecessary to answer. At this point I head towards my room._

 _My room is nice and simple, a wall with closets, a bed, a desk, an old TV… Ah, that's right._

 _I reversed the time on my TV by one day with my psychic powers. I need to do that every day otherwise it'll break and never come back on._

 _I meant to get a new TV once but I got… distracted._

 _I turned on the TV and started watching the first drama that was on. I like TV dramas since I can't read their minds, so everything's full of genuine suspense, pure bliss._

 _The drama that was on at the moment was about a rich heir who was disowned by his family since he refused to marry his cousin whom his family wanted him to marry to keep "everything within its proper lineage." He found marrying his cousin to be disgusting so he fled to the village and started to fall for a village girl there who holds resentment towards his family due to their monopolizing on the village's mining industry. It seems that it's the Season 1 finale and that he's about to confess his love to the girl who gradually warmed up to him. Overall, fairly decent series._

 _After thirty minutes of building up to that moment of confession, it finally comes and he proposed to her._

"But Harutaka… I can't marry you…" "Why the hell not?!" "Because **I'M YOUR SISTER!** "

 _I literally choked for a moment. She looked nothing like him! I swear, these directors want a reason for everything!"_

 _Disgusted, I turned off the TV. Such cheap tricks should not happen on TV._

 _I lay down in bed, reading Shounen Jump (totally not a shameless promotion) for an hour or two. Homework isn't an issue, I can do it pretty quickly._

 _Finishing up the manga, I put it down and start to rest._

 _I'm Saiki Kusuo, age 17. I have psychic powers that could destroy the world if I wanted to. But I don't want these powers. I just want to live a normal life._

 _I wish I didn't have these powers._

 _I have wished that wish a thousand times before, but I really do just want them gone._

 _If there is a god somewhere, hear my calls._

…

 _I should have known. I proceed to sleep._

 ** _Addendum Auctoris: I guess I'll return to this, and I decided to update it a bit. Seems like in the original version I forced a bunch of lines and cliches, seems rushed overall. Hopefully this fixes that for the most part at least, didn't want to cut out the introduction quotes from the Nine Nuisances, since it'd seem like it'd do them a disfavor, I dunno._**

 ** _Curate ut valeatis, omnes._**


	2. Chapter 2: Kikazaru

_I woke up the next day, feeling a bit groggy which is odd for me. I'm a psychic, I don't get sick easily._

 _As a precaution, I tried to see if I could foresee any nuisances throughout the day. My power works like this: I see an event, it's like a hallucination. They come true. Unfortunately for me, these events tend to me country-destroying volcanoes, gas station explosions, fires, meteors, and so forth. It seems god would never want me to live a normal life._

 _Fortunately, my precognition did not happen. It's random, however. It doesn't mean I'm safe._

 _..._

 _I looked around my room, it seems normal. Books, a desk, a TV, a normal pastel wall, a closet, but something is off..._

 _Wait._

 _I'm not hearing any thoughts._

 _Am I wearing that Germani-_

 _"Mama's so lovely~" "Oh how I love papa~"_

 _Wait, I hear them now._

 _But what happened?_

 _I levitated for a bit over my bed, did a 360 degree flip, telekinetically tossed the plant in my room like a ball, my powers seem to be working fine._

 _However, something is off, and it's bugging me._

 _If my telepathy is failing, there is an obvious problem..._

 _I will be surrounded by Nendou._

 _Usually I add Nendou faces everywhere for special effect (warning: may not be suitable for viewers). but this is a fanfiction story, not the anime or manga._

 _Maybe I simply have more control over my powers, maybe my limiters were overcharged. I don't know, and I'd rather not consult that masochistic mad scientist._

 _I put on my school uniform using a combination of hand-eye coordination and telekinesis and walk downstairs, there I'm greeted by this freeloader and my mother._

"Kuu-chan, how was your sleep last night?"

"Kusuo! Care to give your old man a quick tr-" " _No. I'm not teleporting you anywhere near your boss, let security at your company accompany you._ "

 _At this remark, Kuniharu started whining, running thoughts like "Pretty pretty pretty please?" I tuned those thoughts out._

 _My mother, Saiki Kurumi, happily continued to cook. You may not realize it, but she gets mad. Very mad._

"Papa~, Kuu-chan is probably exhausted, he _just_ woke up after all!"

"You're right mama! I'll go to work USING MY BIKE!" _"Kusuo, teleport me tomorrow, okay? Thanks! Bye!" Kuniharu continued to run out the house with mom's cooking in his mouth, all the while screaming_ "HOT HOT HOT!"

 _I did not pity him._

 _I ate my breakfast, telepathically said goodbye to my mom, and headed to school._

 _The sky was usual, not special in particular. It's on "normal" days like these where I am given no normalcy, however. Read on, three, two, one..._

"Hey, partner!"

"Saiki! Ready to face off Dark Reunion today?"

 _I was lucky enough to hear this chuunibyou's thoughts, since Nendou literally has such minuscule brain power my telepathy cannot detect him._

 _After they pester me for a while, the rest continue to drive inwards from the sides. Imagine me, a god-level psychic, outflanked by these weirdos and creeps._

 _Teruhashi was walking to my right, so logically, I earned a few thousand or so death wishes in the minds of Teruhashi's milit- I mean fanclub- the Kokomins._

"Hey Saiki, wanna have lunch together?" _"Sorry, but I'm busy."_

 _Teruhashi looked a bit distraught. Not surprising. In the eyes of every man, she's the most perfect girl that could ever exist. God seems to take a liking to her, her luck is extraordinary, and she's very beautiful. On the outside, anyways. No man in their right mind would decline a lunch invitation with Teruhashi, but if I were to eat lunch with her, her goons would follow me at every moment of the day. I'd rather not, since that'd put my powers at risk of being found out._

"Partner, ramen?" " _School hasn't even started yet."_

 _The others were talking about what they usually talk about, thinking what they usually think about._

 _The priest and gyaru were arguing over who should hang out with me the most. Telepathically, I said "Technically, the manager of that store is my new sidekick."_

 _They tuned out my words (How dare they) and continued to bicker. I told them (via telepathy if you don't get that yet) "If you're going to argue, don't mention my powers."_

 _When I was young, my powers manifested early on. A foreign nation got wind and kidnapped me for research._

 _I destroyed the "nation."_

 _There was also an accident in elementary school, but that's for another time._

 _The perverted priest then turned to me and thought "Guys before boobs, right?"_

 _I hurled another stone at his side with telekinesis._

 _It was apparently hard enough that he doubled over._

 _Aiura, the gyaru, let out a chuckle. I let that slide. I just want to get to school._

 _I was walking through the school gates, and something that shouldn't happen just happened._

 _Once again, the second time in an hour, I lost the ability to read minds._

 **Addendum Auctoris: Honestly this is probably the first story I'm deciding to take a tad seriously. I'll have to see where this goes. I've got some school work though, eh, I'm sure you get the gist. Anyways, sorry if my chapters are short, or if I suck at writing, or setting up story lines... But yeah. Curate ut valeatis, omnes.**


	3. Chapter 3: Interference

_This would usually be a welcome change of events, but this was unexpected. Usually I always expect what happens, that's the case with telepathy AND precognition. I looked around, and people continue to chat. The sun continues to shine, the school continues to chime, and trees continue to sway. The world, overall, has not changed. Was it always like this? The world is more quiet than what I'm used to._

 _However, it must not be forgotten- currently I'm surrounded by nuisances A through I, and now they have evolved to Nendos A through I. This would not end well._

 _For example, Teruhashi is now able to ambush me and has the potential to cornering me into meeting up with her at a restaurant or worse. That would put me on the kill list of the Kokomins, who could also ambush me with my new lack of telepathy._

 _Another example, I simply do not trust Kuboyasu, since he could stab me at any moment. My biggest fear of being surrounded by Nendos is that they could stab me at any time, and Kuboyasu seems like the guy to do that._

 _For now I suppose my strategy will be to be casual and continue the school day as normal._

 _I managed to make it to class without any major incidents._

"All of you, take your seats. Homeroom has just begun."

 _Hm, Coach Matsuzaki is here. Perhaps the usual one is sick or something. Actually, we only ever see him as a teacher so I'll just accept that he may be our actual homeroom teacher._

 _On that note, I still can't read his mind or anyone else's for that matter._

"In two weeks, PK Academy's finals will be held. That means you will be tested on all the material you have learned for the entire year. Study well, and if you don't, you all will have to take re-"

 _I tuned him out by now. I know this drill by now. However, if I can't use my telepathy, I will actually have to study. The worst thing is I have no idea how to get exactly average as usual._

 _Maybe this telepathy I've always had was helpful in a way..._

 _Anyways, now that the classroom is silent, I wonder..._

 _I looked over at Nendou. He has his usual face on. I wish I could forget that._

 _Teruhashi is probably thinking about how she's perfect and how she is going to study to perfect her mind in addition to her body, but I'm not able to check that now._

 _Kaidou is looking serious. I'm not surprised, his mom is a cram school all by herself._

 _I'm least of all surprised by Hairo's reaction, since he seems pumped up for this._

 _Kuboyasu and Yumehara seem normal._

 _Mera's eating coffee jelly, something that I cannot blame her for. It is a mature dish with a level of decadence that should be illegal._

 _Matsuzaki has finally finished talking. Wait, the ending speech._

"That's all for now. Anyways, study hard and remember, don't end up in remedial classes!"

 _With that, Matsuzaki left the classroom, slamming the sliding door behind him. First period today is... oh yeah, science. We're all taking physics this year._

 _The classroom door slammed open, and the teacher came in. He started talking about things like waves and interference, destructive and constructive._

 _Hm... could my loss of telepathy be due to destructive interference by another brainwave? My own? I don't know. Maybe it co-_

 _"How long is this man going to talk?" "All he does is talk, he never explains anything!" "Boring boring boring boring borin-"_

 _It seems as though my telepathy came back. I knew it. It would come back, and it did._

 _However, it seems as though my throat is starting to itc-_

"Ah... ahh... CHOO!"

 _Oh no. This room is going to ex-_

 _Wait, it didn't explode._

 _Wait a minute..._

 _As people's voices rang around in my head, I tried to levitate the pencil on my desk with telekinesis._

 _Huh, it seems as though I lose one power at a time. The first time, telepathy. Now, telekinesis. Telepathy was lost for a short time at first, then a long time the second time. It could be that I am losing my telekinesis for a short time this time, but I will lose it for a long time next time I lose it. I can probably assume the same pattern for the next power I lose._

 _Meanwhile, I am stuck with the voices of students and the tea-_

 _Wait a minute._

 _I can indeed hear the students thoughts, I hear the thoughts of Kaidou, who is making a theme song for himself, I hear Yumehara, thinking about Kaidou, I hear Mera, thinking of her siblings and food, and so forth. However, what I do not hear..._

 _Are the thoughts of the teacher._


	4. Chapter 4: Turing Tests

_As I said, I cannot hear the thoughts of my teacher while I can hear the thoughts of everyone around me, with one exception, but that's just because that exception literally has the brain waves of bugs and this guy's a teacher, so I'd assume average intelligence at least._

 _I try to look closer at the teacher, he's a somewhat pudgy man, glasses, gray mustache, slight English accent, and he's been looking at me for quite a while now. It's odd._

 _The class looks onwards at him as though he's a normal teacher, but clearly this man is not normal. The man finishes up his lecture on wave mechanics with a question at the end, something for us to think about I suppose._

"What is the probability of a particle to be at any point in space?"

 _Kaidou is the first to raise his hand, and the teacher, whose name he gave us as Mr. Turner chose him. Kaidou then confidently said_ "100%," _and Turner-sensei nodded with approval. With that, the bell rang and the class ended._

"Ah, Saiki, please stay after class, I need to discuss something with you," _said Turner-sensei._ " _Yes, what is it?_ " _I kept my guard up since I have no idea what he could do. Once everyone left the classroom, it was just Turner-sensei, me, and the notes he scribbled on the board. Turner-sensei's face opened up. His face was split in two and just opened up like a set of double doors and a TV screen appeared. If I had not mentally prepared, I would've broken Turner-sensei in half in surprise._

 _Of course, it was this troublesome one. I should've known from the start._

"How's my favorite little brother doing? Oh don't look at me with that face, let me guess, you're wondering why I decided to send a robot into your school masquerading as a substitute teacher while at the same time your powers are starting to glitch out, right?"

 _Aggravatingly right as always. However, I suppose he has some information about my powers._

"Well Kusuo, I already told you the answer. Your wavefunction is collapsing, Kusuo. You should be careful, though, your powers aren't strictly confined to the measly laws of quantum mechanics and mathematics. Anyways, that's what's happening with you. Love you, bro! Bye!"

 _The teacher's face then closed, and Turner-sensei left the classroom, presumably to resign._

 _So he's not even going to help out this time, perhaps I should pay London a visit. Although, he is right, I shouldn't rely on my powers for the time being, and a plane to London isn't exactly cheap. Perhaps I should just continue with the day._

 _I went over to the library, since second period is a free period for me. The librarian was reading some book, not looking up. No one was here today so that's also a bonus._

 _Not willing to study quantum mechanics or whatever Kuusuke is majoring in, I decided to settle for a not-so-well known detective novel. No one reads them so I can't be spoiled, so it's all fine. I was about to open the book and the gyaru-psychic, Aiura, comes running in._

"Saiki! So I was trying to predict your day so I can intercept you-" " _Are you stalking me with your powers again?_ " "Not the point! Anyways, I saw that there's going to be a disaster at school during lunch time!" " _What kind of disaster?_ " "I just saw the school in flames, I guess." " _Well that sounds like an issue. Did you find out how?_ " "No, I just saw the aftermath."

 _This was the worst news to come by today, especially since my powers were weakening. I decide to tell Aiura about my powers, mostly since she could help out at the very least with her powers. I'd like to keep my dignity, however, and not bring the perverted priest into this._

" _Aiura, my powers aren't exactly going well today. I'm afraid I'll be a bit limited._ " _Aiura was shocked, but nodded with understanding._

"I'll see if there's anything weird in the hallways, like gasoline canisters or smokers or something." _I nodded, and I decided to read as many minds as I can to see if anyone is thinking of smoking or moving kerosene or committing arson. She decided to run out of the dusty library, while the librarian ignores her and reads his book._

 _Everyone's mind seems normal, so I can't tell what's wrong. People seem to just carry on as usual. Not even the troublemakers seem to be planning much trouble._

 _I have to be on high alert today, since at any moment the school could go in flames, or I might lose my powers. I put the book back on the shelf and started scouring the school halls._

 _Most people were outside, no combustible materials in sight, what could possibly cause the fire?_

 _Finally, down the hallway, I see "Turner-sensei." He's walking this way as I walk the other way, towards "him." I'm still a bit mad about Turner-sensei being another robot sent by my brother to make life a bit more difficult. As I walk towards him, I don't realize it in time._

 _My brother told me one point that he likes to use combustible materials in his machines. "_ Easier to get rid of the evidence" _he always said._

 _What I didn't know is that as I was giving "Turner-sensei" a death glare, I was activating my pyrokinesis._

 _I could only hope in the split second before the flames rolled out that there was no one in the bathroom next to Turner-sensei, and in the quarter-second afterward, I could say that there is a 92% chance of no one being in the bathrooms._

 _Next thing I knew, this section of the third floor hallway was in flames as the fire alarms blared out._


	5. Chapter 5: Wave Amplitudes

_I teleported onto the roof, fairly sure no one was on there. Thankfully, there was not, and I was sure that the smoke rising from what remained of the hallway was blocking people on the ground from seeing me. What I saw below was havoc. Students and teachers alike were running from the school, crowding their way out of the doorway at front. It was too late, I could not reverse this scenario. For the first time in a long time, I felt a shiver of legitimate fear._

 _I heard the distinct sound of police sirens making their way to the school, and I spotted an ambulance as well._

 _I looked around again, and Aiura's infallible visions had come to pass, the school was indeed in flames. I don't think anyone was in the general vicinity, again, only 92% sure. This was troublesome. I went down the stairways to the first floor and stood in the yard with the others._

 _Everyone's thoughts were generally the same, and pretty appropriate for the situation at hand._

"Saiki! Are you okay?!" _I heard this voice loud and clear from the doors of the school building, and I could see four people, Yumehara, Teruhashi, Kaidou, and Nendou. I suppose it would've been troublesome if they were injured by the explosion. Unfortunately, as I was processing that thought, I was in a bearhug._

"Partner! Thought I lost you!" _"Disgusting. Your tears are getting on my uniform. Let go of me." Nendou gave no verbal or physical response to that, probably not even a mental response._

 _Kaidou and Teruhashi's thoughts were currently going at the speed of light, and Yumehara was clinging to Kaidou again. Not particularly surprising._

 _Teruhashi_ spoke, "Wait, where's Hairo?"

 _She's right. Knowing him, he probably ran headfirst into the fire, I thought as a red haired Greek god incarnate ran out of the school with three or four people on his back, all of their clothes burnt in some way. There were pretty bad burns, but nothing life-threatening as far as I can tell._

 _"Found him," I responded._

 _On Hairo's back, the principal was resting. Hairo squatted to let the principal and the other people off his back. The principal regained consciousness as police officers and medical responders ran into the scene. After some brief conversation, the inevitable was resounded with help of a bullhorn._

"School is cancelled for the foreseeable future for obvious reasons, please let the police men and medics do their jobs everyone. The school administration asks the student body to cooperate, and if needed, collaborate with the police men if they have any knowledge concerning the cause of this accident."

 _The students seem to be understanding of this scenario, that any one of them could've been killed in an instant. They're not cheering or anything for cancellation, but they understand at least._

 _A bunch of the students nodded solemnly and went off, presumably home._

 _I was going to the gates with Yumehara, Hairo, Nendou, Teruhashi, and Kaidou until two annoyingly familiar people took me aside._

"Sorry, looks like we weren't able to stop the explosion after all," _the dyed blonde remarked with an apologetic look on her face._

"Wait, you two knew this was going to happen and you didn't talk to me?!" "That's because you're useless." "There are ghosts everywhere, I could've asked for help!"

 _"Enough, you too. This has already happened, and as far as we can tell, no one was killed. However, I think I may need to talk to someone about this."_

 _By talk, I actually meant obliterate, destroy, annihilate, disintegrate, or something along those lines._

"Huh? Who are you gonna talk to?"

 _I tried to convey the name of the person I was going to 'talk' to and my feelings towards that person with a particular facial expression._

"I just asked a question, no need for the stink eye!"

 _"Sorry. I'm going now."_

 _I teleported home, since if he's being troublesome in Japan, he's probably in Japan._

 _As I landed in the living room, my mother reacted in the way a mother would react if she learned on the TV that her son's school blew up._

 _After getting through that mess, I said "Is Kuusuke here?"_

"Hm? Big Kuu-" _This was interrupted by a series of footsteps down the stairs accompanied by an irritatingly pitched voice, saying_ "Hey there, bro! Sorry about Turner-Sensei, but you know, the best way to get someone to understand the scenario is through some flashy theatrics, isn't it?"

 _"I've had enough," knowing my words won't reach this guy. He'll just predict everything I say anyways. I walk to him with my patented extremely pissed off face as the house shakes. My mother seems to understand that this either a) Is this a mild spat, or b) Is something that only brothers should deal with together._

 _I raise my left hand, and Kuusuke starts to talk_ "Wh-whoa now! Before you think I _meant_ to put lives at risk, you're wrong! Knowing that generally no one unless they're an anime or manga protagonist..." _What was that?_ "...spends lunch _not_ in the cafeteria, also I made sure I didn't put enough pentaerythritol tetranitrate to break down the walls of your hallways, I determined that you would be alone and therefore, it was okay for me to lay that trap for you! He he!"

 _"This is really not helping your case. People were burned badly."_ "Oh, what's that? People were burned badly? Remind me, who increased the regenerative capabilities of humanity again?" _He does have a fair point, the burn victims may be fine after a day._ "And besides, I do have a good reason for all this." _"Yeah yeah, something about 'my' wavefunction undergoing normalization."_ "Let me show you..."

 _Kuusuke took out a computer from his... lab coat?_ "Surprised? You would find it useful to know how easy it would be for you to create a spacetime pocket, since you could also stabilize it with your powers to prevent the wormhole from collapsing on itself." _He opened the laptop, opened a program on it, and showed a line of calculations, and two waves superimposed on each other._

"You see, your powers are, well, an unexpected oopsie. The universe seems to describe itself and its constituents in terms of waves, and recently there was a new type of wave discovered that was unexpected. In Quantum Electrodynamics, we have bispinor fields that give rise to electrons, fields for photons. In Quantum Chromodynamics, we deal with gluons and things that keep your atoms from disintegrating. When I was trying to study your powers, I found a new field that describes the 'normalness' of the universe. It also has this unique property that indicates that the field is always trying to balance itself out to a net normalcy of 'zero,' meaning a balance between strangeness and normalness. Honestly, these dynamics are so vague, if there's a god, he should feel ashamed for having such trivial and vague descriptors for reality." _Kuusuke was shaking his head in disappointment, and I can't say I blame him._

 _A normal wavefunction? Could that be like the "luck" Aiura was mentioning to me before?_

"On your birthday, August 16th, this 'normal' field went to its extremities, a phenomenon associated with an improbable or impossible event. It seems that it was balancing out with another disturbance in this field that occurred on January 1st of the same year, one that indicates an event of complete and utter averageness. The difference was so great that it took roughly eight and a half months to fix it."

 _"Okay, but what does this normal field have to do with my po- oh."_ "Yes, something utterly improbable is going to happen, so the Universe is balancing it out by taking away what makes this world so strange, your powers. They really do defy physics, Kusuo."

 _This was a lot to process. Something out of the ordinary is going to happen, so God decided to take away my powers to have a net normalcy of zero._

 _"Okay. Well if it causes trouble, you can clean up that mess since I'm currently incapacitated."_

"Maybe, but I probably can't. This is something on the scale of your powers, I probably can't do anything about it."

 _Disappointing, I suppose._

"Mama, I'm home!"

 _Not as disappointing as him though._

 _"I'm going to my room." I need to think about this._


	6. Chapter 6: Feedback

_For the reader's convenience, I'm on the next day after the issue with my brother's robot teacher blowing up the school._

 _Now I'm finally alone in the house. Kuusuke's warning may have some merit, which appeared to be the only issue these days. So something's going to happen, and I'm losing and gaining my powers, leading to a loss in general control of those powers._

 _Good grief._

 _As I lie down, I hear voices on and off, sometimes hearing them, but sometimes it stops. After an hour of this nonsense I fumbled around near my bedside to put on my germanium ring, in summary it blocks my telepathy. I guess I'm going out then._

 _Already dressed in suitable outside clothes, I leave my room and go out the front door, nothing out of the ordinary. So far I sense not-_

" _Jeez, how much longer until Saiki's place? Can't wait to show him Jet Black Wing's Lair V2! With Nendou and Kobayasu here, we've got a full fledged team if I do say so myself, heh heh~_ "

 _Crap._

 _For the sake of sick convenience it appears my telepathy was cancelled at that moment, only solution is to hide in the shrubs nex-, or so I foolishly thought before the mental image of centipedes and slugs on me just so happens to flash before my eyes._

 _Judging by the previous thought, they must be a distance from here, so I run back inside to consider my options and plan out a strategy, which just happens to be to run into the backyard and escape through the alley behind my house. Please let me have a day off with only this "normal" wavefunction to worry about._

 _As I hop over the fence, I hear Kaidou again_ " _We're here... Saiki's not answering, maybe he's not home then. Darn, oh wait, I have a pl-_ " _Oh come on. Now they're trying a three-pronged attack on my location, I suppose. Too bad I don't know their exact strategy._

 _For now I'll try activating my invisibility, as my skin's molecules start to shift emission lines into the infrared spectrum. No, wait, something went wrong._

 _I'm covered in a mosaic. This seems familiar..._

 _So for about ten minutes I appear to be covered in a mosaic, which at least covers my entire body, including my face. This is probably in place of my invisibility ability so if anyone touches me, or time runs out, I'm exposed. Troublesome, especially since I'm so noticeable now._

 _But this is odd, I should be losing my powers, not gaining different powers. Maybe a feedback loop? I'll have to ask Kuusuke later, I have to stay here out of sight._

 _My block is pretty long so I've got a good chance of no one wandering this far in-_

"AHHH! BLOCK MONSTER BLOCK MONSTER!"

 _Wait, oh, Yuuta. He's peeking over his wall right at me, probably traumatized. Great now I feel bad._

" _Hey kid, quiet._ " _I telepathically tell the kid, at least I can transmit thoughts if not receive them. It'd be annoying if Yuuta knew that I was the block monster that appeared in the alley one day._

"AHHH! BLOCK MONSTER IS THREATENING ME!"

" _No, I'm not, I'm just walking here._ " "Wait until my friend Cyborg Cider-Man #2 comes here to annihilate you! He can fly! and blow things up, and, and-" _I'm just gonna walk away now really quickly and hope that he stops caring._

"Mom! Mom! There's a creepy block monster man in the alley who keeps talking to me!" _Don't phrase it that way. Now I really have to run._

 _I'm running to the other end of the block's alley as my mosaic seems to deactivate. Thank god. I'm completely normal by the time I reach the end and see..._

"Welcome to Hidariwakibara-cho's hundredth annual parade, commemorating the founding of our town from the rice field that lay everywhere you see!" _A newscaster booms into his microphone, people respond with cheering and extremely loud thoughts apparently. Of course, the parade. I couldn't think about it much less foresee it with the issues at hand. Maybe I can try blending into the crowd._

 _I'm surrounded by people, whose thoughts I hear sometimes, and don't hear at other times. It's like having sight for a second, and being blind the next._

 _After a minute of wandering and nearing the end of the crowd, I see a familiar blue-haired angel with her lovesick friend. Best I avoid them, as I turn in the other direction. However, in front of me materializes the other two people, the gyaru and the pervert._

"Saiki! Didn't expect to see you here, can't you believe it, no school, and a crowd of girls! Life's great, right?" " _I beg to differ._ " _I suppose I needed to tell Toritsuka, as he already knew of my powers anyways._ " _Toritsuka, I'm losing my powers at random times and regaining them at others. I'm losing control and blew up the school, and you won't tell anyone this because I will invert your limbs if you do._ " _Of course, I tell him this in an efficient manner that also conveys my general liking for him and sympathy for his character. Toritsuka responded accordingly._ "YOU BL-" _And so did I, as I neutralized him, meaning he's unconscious now._

" _Aiura, take him home. I'm busy._ " "Saiki, if you need help, just ask." _Huh, a legitimate expression of friendship from Aiura._ " _Thanks but no thanks, not now anyways._ " _Thankfully she understood. She lugged the priest over her shoulder and walked to the temple, and I walked in the opposite direction. Once I was in a deserted part of town, I teleported to the nearest mountain._

 _Surrounded by shrubbery *and insects but I won't think about that*, I decided I could relax. I don't hear anyone, no thoughts, no footsteps, no voices, I'm alone. As I'm embracing this solitude, I felt a pain in my abdomen, as a tree blew up behind me._

 _Thankfully, I stopped the wood chips with my telepathy, preventing any cuts._

 _My first immediate thought was that I did that, but what could matter is if the pain was before, or after the explosion. Before, I could've either a) used some sort of precognition where I had feeling, or b) caused the explosion. If after, then it must've been a form of precognition warning me of a cut. However, my precognition doesn't cause pains in my abdomen, only headaches. Therefore, it's probable that I caused the explosion somehow._

 _Further meaning on conclusion that my powers, in addition to being unreliable and uncontrollable, are activating at random as well._

 **Addendum Auctoris: Well it's certainly been a while. Graduating in a week, college and crap to follow. I guess I'll try to update this regularly.**


	7. Chapter 7: Fluctuations and Evaporation

_So a tree blew up, no big deal. At least I get some sort of warning, a pang of pain in my abdomen. Perhaps I can at least minimize damage somehow. This time, I teleport to my training ground, a desolate wasteland with no living organisms whatsoever._

 _First, I try my telekinesis, attempting to deconstruct and reconstruct boulders into statues and sculptures. Emphasis on attempt. As I deconstructed one boulder, the bits of rock fell to the ground as my telekinesis deactivated. Frustrated, I tried again, and the past repeated itself accordingly as the boulders were set on fire, even though they were rock and not flammable._

 _Once more, I try, attempting to concentrate. Once I established that I had telekinesis for the time being, I tried to deconstruct and reconstruct accordingly in a short enough time that I wouldn't lose my telekinesis before I finish my exercise. In an attempt to concentrate, I closed my eyes to ignore the world around me and focus on this singular task. If I was going to not destroy everything I see, control is what I need to master._

 _However, as I opened my eyes once again, I did not see statues or sculptures._

 _I saw a crater fifty feet in diameter, twenty-five feet in depth. Also it was filled with flames as a pungent odor filled the air. It appears that my training ground had a methane reserve under it and now I've only succeeded in reconstructing the gateway to Hell._

 _Using telekinesis, I attempt to fill it in with boulders, but I lost my telekinesis again, so that plan failed._

 _At this point, I've had enough, and teleported back home in the living room, I sit in front of the TV, waiting for his unpleasantness to manifest._

"It appears you're waiting for me, bro~ Any updates?" _Call upon the devil and the devil answers. Still in the space station apparently._

" _Apparently my powers are activating at random, and I'm gaining different powers. Aren't things supposed to be normal?_ "

"Nothing's really perfect, is it? Idealized constructs don't really exist, so there are bound to be perturbations, Kusuo."

" _I'm glad we could have a talk on the nature of things, but this is actually important. Would you like for Tokyo Tower to apport to Paris to crown the upper fifth of the Eiffel Tower?_ "

"I mean that'd be funny and demonstrate your superiority over the monkeys that proliferate society, but I guess you don't want that. What I'm trying to say is there are some perturbations in the Normalcy Field, how does Quantum Canonidynamics sound, by the way?"

" _What perturbations?_ "

"I mean that as your normalcy increases and heads towards the baseline, there will be fluctuations around you that attempt to make up for the decreasing weirdness."

" _Why didn't you tell me this before?_ "

"I just started researching the Normalcy Field last time we spoke. A bit of a late endeavor, I know. However, I may be a super genius, but don't expect me to formulate perturbation theory for a previously unknown quantum field just three days after I start noticing it."

" _So I'm like a Jack-in-the-Box which doesn't need the crank?_ "

"Exactly!"

 _Apparently he's going on about similar fluctuations in the vacuum and how it relates to black hole evaporation but I'm not particularly interested._

 _Why does the author overdo it with the science talk anyways? Whatever, not the point. My words I swear._

 _The door slams open as I hear a pathetic wheezing voice in the entrance hall._

"Kuusuooo! Why didn't you teleport meeeeee?!"

" _My powers aren't working. Wake up early next time._ "

"But if I wake up early whose face will mama see when _she_ wakes up, huh?!"

" _The pillow. At least the pillow's respectable._ "

"Hey dad! How was work?" _So he makes his attack._

"Oh, hey Kuusuke, my manga performed we-"

"So Kusuo, you probably should be isolated for the time being if your powers are going to activate without warning. Would I suggest a cozy bomb shelter under my lab in Cambridge?"

" _No, I'll figure it out myself. I'm not going to stay in your lab to be experimented on._ "

"Jeez, bro, you're not fun at all... How disappointing." _That's bull, I can see how he's thinking on how to corner me in this state in his eyes._

" _I'm not playing your game. It should be easy anyways, stay isolated until whatever happens happens and everything goes back to normal, or whatever twisted sense of normal everything was. I can be isolated for a while._ " "Oh, yeah, Kusuo, your school sent out a letter on where you will be going to school until PK Academy is repaired," _as he handed me a letter with the PK Academy seal on it._

 _Good grief. Maybe I'll be in a small school with not so many people. Then, I hear a ring of the phone. Phone + school change = phone + letters to all parents = phone + letters to all students = phone + friends wandering where their friends will be =..._

"Oh yeah, he's here, Kusuo, it's your friends!"

 _Maybe dad's just bad luck. I pick up the phone, and hear Kaidou._ "Hey Saiki, what school are you being placed into?" _I look at the letter, and say_ " _I'm at SY Academy for the time being._ " "Cool, so am I, Nendou, and Kobayashi!" _Is this what they call a triple stumper?_

"Anyways, see you next week!"

 _Kaidou hung up the phone and I can tell without my precognition that I was going to have a hard time._

 _I look at the TV, and Kuusuke is gone. Dad went to his room to sort out his action figures, and I'm left with whatever fate I have been delegated to now. This is a disaster._

 ** _Addendum auctoris: Combo move._**


	8. Chapter 8: Field Interactions

_A week of waiting, a whole week of powers turning on, off, halfway in between._

 _Relatively calmer than what I would've expected._

 _As of now, I'm taking the train to SY Academy. It's outside Hidawakibara-cho, more into the city._

 _At the moment, my telepathy is turned off, so I'm somewhat thankful for the unprecedented turn of events for this rare moment of bliss._

 _Of course, it could also come back without warning at any time. Unpredictability is a liability, indeed._

 _Looking around, I notice none of the nuisances. We're all in different uniforms so it might be difficult to recognize them. Perhaps they didn't take the train, or they're on different cars._

 _Kaidou probably is being driven, his family's well off enough, same for Teruhashi. Yumehara would be a train rider though, Nendou would likely just walk, same with Hairou..._

 _I think I'm safe, regardless._

"SY Academy, stopping now."

 _Ah, telepathy reactivated._

 _I push and shove my way to the door and onto the platform, but some bozo just pushed m-_

 ** _*BOOM*_**

 _Ah. It seems as though I've become too strong at the moment. I broke the platform as I stumbled._

 _Fortunately, no one seems to notice. No thoughts about a pink-haired boy with super strength._

 _However, everyone IS screaming, saying stuff about earthquakes._

 _The PAs are going on and on about the disturbance on Platform 3. No point in going on about it, there isn't an earthquake anyways._

 _Not my problem if everyone is scared about one shake._

 _As such, I walk away from the platform carefully, gauging whether or not I have control over my strength. I apparently do, so I just walk faster._

 _However, it was not my day._

 _The train station was elevated above a road in the city. This I had noticed. What else I had noticed was that on the platform, the footprint-shaped hole apparently was starting to crack, and so did the platform._

 _At that moment, I knew what was going to happen, even without clairvoyance._

 ** _*Crack, crack, boom*_**

"The platform's going to fall!"

"Mom, where are you?!"

"My baby boy! Where's my baby boy?!"

 _Everyone is panicking for good reason. I caused this. Logically it follows that I have to help._

 _The train started to slide off the track, as the track and platform started to tilt down towards the street. I hear the honking of cars and screaming down in the street. Since my powers are unstable, the best I could do is get everyone to safety without drawing attention to me._

 _"Everyone please leave the train and platform in an orderly fashion. The authorities are coming to help."_

 _I transmitted that thought, which they would hopefully believe to be a PA announcement._

 _Apparently that did nothing to soothe the crowd as now the front car of the train was falling off the platform and into the street. There was a cacophony of screams and the scratching of metal upon metal, sparks flew as the several ton train car was falling._

 _I would have to resort to telekinesis._

 _Unfortunately, telekinesis hasn't been working for days, and I wasn't able to force a power to activate at will. However, this was the best I could try._

 _I concentrated, I thought about the basic principles of telekinesis, attempting to connect to some portion of my brain that controlled it._

 _Closed strings, information transport, brane hopping, potential interactions... Some of the buzz works my brother mentioned during explaining his findings._

 _Suddenly, something clicks in my head. This is likely the go signal, so I attempt to use telekinesis on the falling train. Looking at the edge of the broken off platform, I could see that it was three feet from hitting the roof of a taxi._

 _I couldn't hear any screaming, any thoughts, all I felt was that I was holding up several tons of weight by sheer mental will alone without fatigue, and my limiters are still in my head._

 _I used my telekinesis to lift the train back onto the track, to put the platform back and repair the damages. Most people had already left the area, so not many people saw this happening. Even if they had, they'd likely use some sort of rationalization to replace the events of today by themselves._

 _At this moment, I notice I wasn't even holding out my hand. Usually I would have to do that, but not this time. Perhaps then I had unlocked a better form of telekinesis?_

 _Despite that, about my earlier note of holding up a train without fatigue, I started to feel mental fatigue at that exact moment._

 _Blinking a few times, down I went._

 _That was embarrassing._

 _I woke up back on the platform, maybe thirty minutes afterwards, since there were police officers and medics tending to the people on the platform. I could somewhat hear the thoughts, but all their words seemed to be dulled out._

"Hey son, you okay?"

 _An officer just asked me this, probably due to the fact that I was unconscious on the floor._

 _"Yeah, I'm fine. What happened?"_

 _Gotta feign some ignorance to fit in, I guess._

"There was a freak structural failure, but it sort of... sorted itself out? We're trying to get the details but everything so far has been nonsense. Have you seen anything?"

 _"No I have not, sorry. I guess I fainted from fear."_

"Yeah, it would appear that way..." _The officer said in a lower voice, looking around._

"Anyways, it seems that you have to get to school." _The officer pointed at my SY Academy uniform._

 _"Yes, I suppose so. Thanks for the help, officer."_

"Officer Nakamura. No problem, head off now."

 _That's literally one of the most normal sounding names. Did the author even try?_

 _Anyways, officer Nakamura did a shooing gesture with his hands, and so I left. I would estimate that by the time I get to SY Academy, I would be twenty minutes late._

 _I jogged down the stairs of the train station, down to the street, apparently cut off by the authorities. Less foot traffic, hopefully._

 _I walked to the school, alone this time. A bit different than usual, I suppose I could get used to this._

 _No cheap ramen talks, or talks about a sealed demon, or attempts to waste my time with inane interpersonal chatter._

 _Yes, it's better this way._


	9. Addendum Auctoris I

This is an author's note, addendum of the arbiter, whatever name it may be, still the same thing.

Mostly just to clarify a few things.

I've been thinking about this story a bit lately, believe it or not, and I've determined some courses of action to be executed:

I probably should change the narrative style. Doing everything as though Saiki was narrating it is restrictive at best. I wouldn't be able to convey the scenes the way I'd like without having Saiki sound like some poet or something like that. So I'm gonna go to 3rd person omniscient, likely. It also doesn't help that I sorta make up chapters on the fly, I'll probably think about them before I start writing this time.

That's the only major thing, I think. Minor things too, like I'm gonna try my best to adhere to name styles in Japanese that go like, family name first then personal name, e.g. Saiki Kusuo.

I'm probably gonna stick with the usage of honorifics for teachers only, like Turner-sensei, or something like that.

By the way, did you get the reference on that one? It mostly has to do with how Turner sounds like Turing a bit, maybe I should've went with Turing, or I didn't want to make it too obvious? I dunno.

I'm not cutting back on the science speak, I think, this story is one of my many ways to vent that out.

And, this may only apply if I'm popular enough, but let's go about it anyways:

Ask me anything in the reviews pertaining to the story, and the like, and I'll try to answer in a future chapter. Cool, right?

Vos videbo, omnes!

(See y'all, everybody!)


	10. Chapter 9: Shockley's Transistors

The day had just begun, students in their navy blue uniforms mulling through the corridors, absorbing the bare minimum from classes to understand the test, rejected confessions, a pungent odor of tediousness (it smells like used gym equipment), and rampant rumors of the latest gossip any student could muster to spit out.

"I heard that their school blew up because of a terrorist attack."

"No way, could there be a target in their academy going to _our_ school?"

"They were allocated between exactly eight schools, with roughly equal distributions. The chance is approximately 12.5%, so rest easy."

"Wow, you figured out that we're one out of eight. Want a cookie?"

"Oh, yes please."

One student stood on lookout at the front entrance standing bespectacled near the wall, trying to detect any new faces. It was an hour before school would officially start though, so he thought it unlikely that he would see any transfers...

 _ ***Rumble***_

This...

 _ ***RUMBLE***_

Early.

 _ ***Crash***_

"Whoa, sorry about that. I should've been watching where I'm going- hey, need me to carry that bag for you? Looks heavy."

The lone bystander was just upgraded from background character to secondary character at this exact moment.

He saw a boy whose face he didn't recognize, therefore the bystander concluded he must be a transfer, with red hair set aflame with some inherent passion this guy seemed to possess.

Despite just crashing into a 73 kilogram mass and Newton's third law, this red haired person was still standing fully upright. The bystander then started to get on his feet and meet the new guy dirt-covered-eye-to-eye.

"No, it's fine. I can manage. Are you a transfer?" The bystander asked.

"Ah, yes. I'm from PK Academy, my name's Hairo Kineshi! And you are?"

"My name's Ito Shinji. Year 2, class D."

Hairo's face lit up at this greeting, and said "I'm in class D as well! Care to show me around?"

"Sure, no problem. I'll show you to my friends. Any of your friends attending this school as well?"

"Yeah, pretty much everyone in my class."

Hairo and Ito started to walk into the entrance to the school, which was not very different from PK Academy's entrance. A few rows of lockers, each locker being a cubic foot in volume, etc. The main difference, and most noticeable feature, was the metallic globe above the entrance's lockers. Being so noticeable, a question was asked in consequence:

"Why's there a giant globe?" Hairo asked Ito.

Ito looked up, and back to Hairo and said "I dunno, it's just there. Made up of some special element. They made it out of old melted down transistors from the factory that was here."

Ito, quickly switching to a more manageable topic, decided to be a useful tour guide and tell Hairo about the school itself.

Walking through the hallways to class 2-D, Ito started to speak, "So you've come at a decent time, at least you didn't arrive right before finals or whatever. We're just starting the year. You've got six subjects, Physics, Calculus I, Japanese Literature, English, East Asian History, and Gym. It's not that different from other schools so you'll be fine. There's a bit more emphasis on Physics, mostly due to donors, though. Yamato-sensei will explain, he's pretty okay."

Looking back at Hairo, Ito noticed that Hairo, who evidently listened, seemed to manifest a fully filled out notepad from thin air.

Blinking a few times in rapid succession, Ito looked back in front of him.

"There's Class 2-D. Not many people are here this early."

"Early? But it's 7 o'clock."

 _"Where's Ryosuke when you need him? Someone take care of this guy, please..."_

About a mile away, people stopped walking and decided to make last-minute detours. Even cars decided to avoid a certain street altogether. In the middle of this sizable lack of people were three boys, a blue-haired one, a purple-haired one with glasses, and one with an unnatural chin with an equally unnatural grin.

"Nendou, you're scaring everyone off the street..." Kaidou murmured in a hushed tone.

"What're ya talkin' about, runt? Are you sure they're not just laughing at you?"

"I'M VERY POSITIVELY SURE THEY'RE NOT."

Aren, in a last ditch attempt to maintain a positive reputation, started to slowly but somewhat noticeably distance himself from the two.

Nendou, picking wax out of his ear and flicking it away, saw a familiar sight. "Hey, a ramen shop. Let's e-"

"We just ate at a ramen shop ten minutes ago," Aren interrupted, whose annoyance at Nendou overcame his desire to distance himself from the two.

"Huh?" After firing a few synapses with a considerable amount of effort, Nendou suddenly remembered. "Ooooh. Okay."

Glad to have settled the matter, Aren sighed and walked faster.

Nendou finally said again, "Let's eat ramen!"

One hour and twenty minutes later, a pink-haired student arrived at the school's front entrance, not acquiring much attention despite having lollipop-looking hair clips.

 _"Great. Late because of some power flux. Let's get this over with."_

Putting his outside shoes in his locker, and putting on his school shoes, he walked at an average pace towards class 2-D. Knocking to let them acknowledge his presence, Saiki stepped into the room.

"Saiki Kusuo, you're late."

 _"Sorry, there was-"_

"No excuses, please. Just take your seat between Shun Kaidou and Teruhashi Kokomi."

Nodding in understanding, Saiki resigned to his ultimate fate that he always be surrounded by people he needed to be around the least.

"Now, where was I... Ah yes, so who can answer this problem on the board? We have force as a function of distance, who can find the work performed over this interval?"

Sitting back, Saiki let himself be absorbed by the class lesson at hand, deciding to ignore the people aside him.

 **Addendum Auctoris: Are my chapters too short? Because I can see that, sorry about that.**


	11. Chapter 10: Work-Energy Theorem

It's hard to focus on definite integrals and their applications to classical mechanics when you're a ticking time bomb that could turn the planet into a rubber duck at any moment, bathtub and all.

"I suppose I could assess the situation," Saiki thought.

"Let's see, from my periodic bursts of telepathy, I know Teruhashi, Hairou, Kaidou, and Kuboyasu's in this class, and everybody's favorite Takahashi is in Class 2-B. Oh, and Nendou's in the back of this class so he's here. The bursts are more frequent so it's not that different from my normal telepathy, huh..."

Focusing on his classmates around him, he heard the thoughts of some guy with glasses to the front and left of Saiki.

"He seems to have met Hairou..."

"Okay, that's all for today. Now, new students, you can just skim chapters 1 and 2, and you'll be set. I have review sessions after school on Wednesdays, I expect you all to attend," Yamato-sensei concluded as the bell rang.

"THANK YOU, SENSEI," "said" Hairou.

"Given the fact that this is a completely different school, the nuisances shouldn't even be able to get to the cafeteria," Saiki thought. With his bursts of telepathic knowledge, he pretty much knew the layout of the school already. "I'll just eat in the bathroom. The crowd will cover my esc-"

"Saikiiiii," cried out a blue-haired child in desperation.

"Hey partner, where you going? Were you going to find us? We were in the same room, partner! Haha!" So guffawed the ogre.

Frozen in dismay from his plan having failed, all the other students cleared the classroom after the whole commotion.

Facing towards his friends, Saiki sighed.

"Good grief."

* * *

"Those transfers are... colorful, I guess," so thought our first and newest secondary character, Ito Shinji.

He was making his way to the rooftop where he'd have lunch with his friends. He's been practicing for an important role for a while.

Opening the rusted door to the roof, he was greeted by a brown-haired guy in a red beanie.

"Shiiiiiinji, I heard you have a bunch of transfer students in your class! So, anyone interesting? Anyone good? Anyone hot?"

Having just been assaulted by three consecutive questions, and processing at the rate, Shinji said in rapid succession "One's an Adonis, there's an ogre, and there's a literal goddess. Fair enough?"

"Yes, I'm satisfied."

"What about you, Ryosuke? Anyone in your class? How about you, Eijirou?"

As neural pathways wormed his name into his temporal lobe, Eijirou woke up from his sleep on the rooftop.

"Ah? Yes, sure, wait, what? Oh yeah, that. Nope. No one. Fortunately, too. In the off chance that the terrorist target is in here, one-eighth of a chance, the chance that he'd be in my homeroom, one of twelve, that brings me to a... Uh... 1/96 chance that I'd have a living target in my homeroom. I'm fine."

After not speaking for more than ten seconds, Ryosuke, arms spread out and facing the other two blurted out "Well, since nobody asked me, I have a guy named Takahashi in my homeroom. He's pretty creepy, but I think he's okay. His head looks like broccoli." With a Cheshire grin, Ryosuke continued, "Anyways, I think the whole lot of the transfers are okay. Plus, if one of them's important enough to be a terrorist target, they must be pretty cool, no?"

Realizing they've failed as supportive friends, Eijirou and Shinji could only look at Ryosuke with utter disappointment.

"Sure. Having your tendons and ligaments vaporized as you lay on the ground as a series of dissociated limbs and giblets of flesh sounds pretty cool," Eijirou said informatively.

"Jeez guys, don't make me think of the bad stuff-" Ryosuke complained in a loud high pitched voice, bobbing his head back and forwards.

After the complaint, Ryosuke, Eijirou, and Shinji just stood there, trying to figure out something to do next.

"Y'know," Shinji muttered, "it's lunchtime."

Ryosuke and Eijirou looked at Shinji with visible confusion.

"Let's eat, goddammit!"

Letting out verbal expressions of sudden and embarrassing realization, the three youths sat on a bench and popped open their bento boxes.

* * *

An ogre, a delinquent, a child, and a god walk into a bar, no wait, cafeteria.

"Hey, Kaidou, those seats near the window are pretty sparse. We should sit there."

"Excellent strategy, Shadow Lieutenant Kuboyasu..."

"What the hell did you just say to me, punk?"

"N-nothing..."

Saiki stood next to Kaidou and Kuboyasu, and looked at the empty tables near the sun. Probably got too hot, since they're near the windows and all.

It was a logical time to determine the next course of action for the recent series of events occurring, so Saiki did just that.

 _"Hm. Maybe thinking too much about the fact that I could blow something up at any given moment will actually cause something to blow up..."_

"My mashed potatoes!" Someone yelled out.

 _"It wasn't me I swear."_

Looking towards the source of the sound, Saiki saw an eight-foot tall boulder with limbs and a head with mashed potatoes. Seemed like fairly normal stuff for a lunchroom.

But then, Saiki looked in front of the boulder-man and saw a sight to fear.

The back of a butt-chinned ogre with an empty tray in his hands, which laid on the head of the boulder-man.

At the moment, the lunch room was silent. At any given moment, Death could swoop in and seize either one of their souls, or both of them. Or perhaps the entire lunch room would be caught in the cross-fire.

 _"This is likely the best time to_ leave," Saiki thought. As he inched towards the double door, Nendou's head turned a hundred and eighty degrees and yelled out.

"Hey, partner? Where ya goin'?" Then, in a hushed voice but not really, Nendou continued "I think this guy challenged me to a fight. Help a partner out?"

The boulder-man spoke up, "Wait. You dumped _my_ mashed potatoes, on **_MY HEAD_** , and you say that I _challenged **YOU TO A FIGHT?**_ "

The boulder-man didn't know that he surpassed Nendou's word limit, and his short-term memories were starting to go away, consequently forgetting the beginning of boulder-man's sentence. All Nendou could do is stare at the boulder-man with his jaw slightly open.

Nendou took his index finger and drew a smiley face on boulder-man's head, traced with the mashed potatoes for obscure reasons that probably are very relevant to the plot.

Boulder-man prepared to flip the lunch table. Recognizing the expression he wore, everyone started to stand up and take their lunch away.

However, a purple-haired delinquent went over and stood between these two _lusi naturae_. Facing towards the boulder-man, he spread his arms to apparently act _protective_ of Nendou, which is hard to do when Nendou is over 15 centimeters taller than Aren.

"Hey man, my friend didn't mean that much harm on you. I think. Anyways, he's my friend, so if you wanna settle things with him, ya gotta talk to _me_ ," said Kuboyasu as he stared 80 centimeters above his head.

Letting out a quick "Hmph" of understanding, the boulder man let his hands off the lunch table.

"I see..." The boulder man said.

"I don't talk," he began.

"I _**SMASH!**_ " And at that moment, the lunchroom turned to hell.

And that's what happens when an ogre, a delinquent, a child, and a god walk into a cafeteria.

* * *

 **Addendum Auctoris: I wrote out a chapter in the copy-n-paste format for this chapter, but when I submitted the document the chapter was erased and I couldn't get it back since I didn't write it anywhere else. I remembered my jokes at least. If I forgot any, I wouldn't remember though.**

 **Goddammit.**


	12. Chapter 11: Transition Metals

_Tick tock tick tock..._

Saiki, Kuboyasu, and Shun sat quietly. Such is the custom for situations like this.

Nendou had been sent in before them, considering his role in the whole affair. He was still in there, as the muffled shouts of an older man made their way through the walls.

SY Academy was well-funded, and thus the space outside the principal's office had more than the bare minimum required to keep people awake. There were magazines, a vending machine, a mini-fridge for the apparently absent secretary, a clean bathroom, the obligatory plants in the corner, it was cozy. Sure, these accommodations were _there_ , but it didn't seem like the situation to let themselves use those accommodations.

It was 11:13 according to the clock, so they were sitting for maybe an hour.

"I-I don't wanna be suspended... My mom's gonna kill me..." Kaidou said in a hushed whisper.

"Relax, you didn't do anything... It's my fault for trying to stop them. I'll face the consequences," Aren said nobly.

 _Don't make yourself a martyr._

"I don't think you're in that much trouble, if you were, they would've sent you in with Nendou, or alone maybe."

"That makes sense."

After that sentence was completed, Nendou walked out of the room with a blank expression. Through the door, an older voice called out "Kuboyasu Aren, please come in."

 _So he WAS called in alone after all._

"Oh, and bring the other two as well."

 _Why did he get called out and why are we just "the other two"?_

The three boys stood up and entered the office one after another.

The office was rather big, a fancy polished desk with two looming bookshelves behind it to the left and right. There was a closed laptop on the desk and at the seat of the desk was a balding old man. The name plate said "Principal Fujiwara Mitsuyo" in golden letters. A few pictures and diplomas and doctorates here and there, and a clock above the door.

"Sit down, boys."

The boys sat down.

The principal locked eyes with them.

"I'm not going to rip your heads off or anything. So I'll just say this, you three are now scheduled to clean up the gymnasium for the rest of the week. That's all."

The principal then threw a signed slip in front of the boys, started to open his laptop, and click around with his mouse.

"Excuse me, sir," Aren spoke up as Kaidou grabbed the slip.

"Didn't I dismiss you?"

Standing up, Aren said "These two didn't do anything, I was the one who walked up to Kaneda (apparently that was the boulder-man's name) and challenged him. I can clean up the gym by myself."

"That's exactly why they're going to clean up the gym as well. They didn't stop their friend. Sure, you tried, but you ended up challenging the guy and having him break my tables," Principal Fujiwara said impassively.

Saiki was not able to hear Aren's thoughts at the moment, but he could tell that Aren was about to make a scene. Fortunately, so did Kaidou.

"Hey, Aren, it's cool. It's a pretty light punishment considering what happened, let's just take it peacefully," Kaidou appealed.

Aren let out a quick "Tch" and a begrudging "Fine."

Saiki and Kaidou stood up and left the office with Aren.

Closing the door behind them, Principal Fujiwara was left on his computer. Looking up one last time, he noticed that some metallic objects, old transistors, had aggregated near the door. He stood up from his desk, walked over, and started picking them up one-by-one.

* * *

Ryosuke, Shinji, Eijirou went down from the roof after lunch, about half an hour prior.

"Ooh, look there," Ryosuke noted, pointing at the now closed-off lunchroom with an aggregation of juvenile homo sapiens at the door.

Eijirou went over to the door with the yellow safety tape on it and asked aloud "What happened here?"

A student from the crowd called out "Two transfers and Kaneda got into a fight, they destroyed the cafeteria."

Given that all the transfers save for one was in his own class, Shinji concluded that at least one of the transfers who decided to fight Kaneda was from his class.

"If they decided to fight Kaneda, no wonder a terrorist wants to take them out. They probably tried to beat him up or something," Ryosuke said thoughtfully.

"Before you say that's cool, don't," Eijirou quickly added in.

The bell signaling five minutes left in the lunch period started to ring. Accordingly, the crowd began to disperse.

"Well, guys, gotta go then. Got literature in five minutes, huzzah," Shinji said while running backwards. Turning around he made his way to his class. Eijirou and Ryosuke did likewise.

Shinji while running to the classroom bumped into a slightly older guy with a sort of headband, a lab coat, blonde hair, and dark green eyes. "Sorry about that," Shinji said as he kept on running.

"No problem at all, bye now," the older guy said.

The older guy started to smile, as he thought _"So exciting, the fluctuations should begin as the probability amplitude's modulus hits about 0.433... The field becomes more agitated as little brother's powers diminish... Hm, harmful effects of his loss of telepathy? Probably so. I'll just keep watch..."_

Kusuke walked down the school hall as the bell signaling the beginning of the post-lunch period rang.

* * *

Kusuo, Kaidou, and Aren walked into class during the middle of English.

"You're..." Looking down to check his watch, "24 minutes late."

"We were at the principal's office, show him the slip, Kaidou."

Kaidou handed the teacher the slip that he got earlier.

"Okay, got it."

The three sat down in their vacant seats, as the teacher continued the lesson, going about the grammatical functions of nouns and classifying them.

Saiki felt two eyes bore into the back of his neck. Remembering that Teruhashi sat behind him, he assumed that she had been concerned for his absence.

Then again, his x-ray vision was turned off, it was for a while. So if he were to look at someone that is apparently objectively beautiful, he would _not_ instantly see sinew and bones rather than smooth skin and silky hair.

 _"Not the time to think about that."_

Saiki noted that multiple people turned to look at him as the teacher's back was turned. As far as they were concerned, he wrecked the lunchroom. Even without telepathy to quantify how much people loathe or like him, he can tell that at the moment, it's below average.

 _"Prime objective, keep a low profile, utterly failed. It'll sort itself out over time, I suppose."_

Saiki sighed and listened to the teacher, or tried to.

"So in English, we have a subject-verb-object word order, or syntax, from the Greek syntasso. Syntasso means to instruct or order, this was used in a militaristic sense at first. As a class, I'd like you with the person in front of you to translate these English sentences into Japanese. For these examples, we have multiple clauses as well, so please note which clauses are independent, and which are dependent."

 _"God really does love her, does He?"_

Saiki let out another quiet sigh, as this was what he needed the least. On cue, most guys in the room gave death threats in their heads that typically, Saiki would be able to hear.

Turning around to look at her, he finally noted her physical features. Objectively, she was indeed beautiful. _"Offu."_

That didn't count.

"Saiki, looks like that we're translating sentence five, let's try our best~"

"Offu-"

 _"Good grief,"_ Saiki thought.

Saiki decided to speak to her telepathically now "Okay. _So the sentence is-"_

"Saiki?"

 _"Yeah?"_

"Saiki? Why aren't you saying anything?"

Quickly deducing the situation, Saiki determined that unlike before, when he wasn't able to receive thoughts but transmit them, he could now do neither.

There was a single option left to act.

Not having spoken once in seventeen years, Saiki finally said his first words.

"Sorry, Teruhashi. I was thinking about the sentence."

"Ah, no worries."

The two then started to work on translation.


End file.
